Conflict is a natural part of every relationship, even the happiest ones. No matter how good you are at understanding your partner’s habits or managing your own emotions, it’s always helpful to check in on your relationship and make sure everything is running smoothly. From a South Asian therapist in NYC to a therapist in the Silicon valley, that’s where couples therapy comes in. However, therapy isn’t always easy to access—whether due to cost, time, or other challenges.
To help out, Chandrama Anderson, a licensed family and marriage therapist in Silicon Valley, CA, offers some simple, practical tips that can help keep your relationship strong.
1. Bring Back the Excitement from When You First Met
When you first start dating someone, everything feels exciting and new. You probably spent a lot of time trying to impress each other, going on fun dates, and enjoying each other’s company. But as time goes on, it’s easy to fall into routines and forget those little things that made the early days so special. To keep your relationship fresh, try to do some of the things you did when you first met. Compliment each other, plan fun outings, and make an effort to look nice for each other. These small actions can help rekindle the spark that brought you together in the first place.
2. Make Your Relationship a Daily Priority
It’s easy to assume that once you’re in a committed relationship, it will just keep running on its own. But a healthy relationship needs regular attention. Showing love and affection isn’t something you can do just once in a while—it’s something that needs to happen every day. Simple gestures like greeting each other with a hug when one of you gets home or taking a few minutes to really listen to each other can make a big difference. When both partners make a daily effort to connect, the relationship stays strong and emotionally close.
3. Set Some Shared Goals Together
Think of this as creating a simple guidebook for your relationship. Sit down together and decide on a few key goals that are important to both of you. These could be things like being honest with each other, managing your finances together, or making time for family. Having shared goals helps you stay on the same page and work toward a common future. It also gives you something to refer back to if things ever get tough.
4. Listen Without Trying to Solve Every Problem
One of the most important things in any relationship is feeling heard and understood. Anderson suggests that couples share their feelings with each other regularly, like giving a daily update on how they’re feeling. But it’s important to remember that when your partner shares something difficult, they may not be asking you to solve the problem. Sometimes, they just need you to listen and offer support. Most people just want to know that their partner is there for them, not necessarily looking for advice or solutions.
5. Take a Break When You’re Upset
You’ve probably heard the saying, “don’t go to bed angry,” but it’s also important to avoid talking about serious issues when you’re really upset. When emotions are running high, it’s easy for conversations to turn into arguments. Instead, take a break to cool down before you talk about the issue. Once you’ve had some time to calm down, you can discuss the problem more calmly and find a solution together. This approach helps prevent hurtful words and keeps the conversation productive.
6. Be Clear About What You Need
Even if you’ve been together for a long time, your partner can’t read your mind. If you need something—whether it’s help with a chore, more affection, or just a little encouragement—it’s important to say it out loud. Clear communication can prevent misunderstandings and make sure both partners feel supported and valued. Don’t expect your partner to guess what you need—just let them know.
7. Learn and Speak Your Partner’s Love Language
Everyone shows and receives love in different ways. Some people feel loved through physical touch, others through words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, or receiving gifts. It’s important to learn your partner’s love language and make an effort to show love in a way that resonates with them. This can help both of you feel more connected and appreciated. It’s also important to recognize when your partner is showing love, even if it’s not in the way you would normally express it.
8. Take Turns Initiating Intimacy
In many relationships, one person might be more likely to initiate physical intimacy than the other. To avoid imbalances, it’s important to take turns initiating sex and other forms of intimacy. When only one person always initiates, it can create feelings of rejection or discomfort. By sharing the responsibility, both partners can feel more desired and connected, which strengthens the bond between you.
9. Surround Yourself with Supportive Friends
It’s important to have friends outside of your relationship, but those friends should be supportive of your relationship as well. Spend time with people who have your best interests at heart and are genuinely happy for your relationship’s success. Be careful of anyone who might encourage you to keep secrets from your partner or who doesn’t have a positive influence on your relationship. Your relationship should be a safe space, and that includes being mindful of the people you let into your life.
10. Make Agreements About Money
Money is one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships. To avoid money-related arguments, it’s a good idea to have an open and honest conversation about your finances early on. Agree on a budget, set some financial goals, and decide on a dollar amount that requires discussion before making a purchase. Being on the same page about money can help prevent stress and ensure that both partners feel secure in the relationship.
By incorporating these simple tips into your daily life, you can strengthen your relationship and keep it healthy for the long term. Remember, relationships take work, but with a little effort and attention, you can keep yours strong and happy.